There is so much pressure these days for women to do it all. Work, cook, clean, and look hot doing it all. I wasn’t raised in a traditional nuclear family. Most people have parents that carried out their respective roles, dad brings home the bacon and mom cooks it. Though with our generation it’s not uncommon that a good percentage of us were raised by a single parent.
I’m a .5 generation Korean American, so for me to be raised by a single-mom is almost like taboo in our culture. It’s more accepted now, however when I was growing up, there was a stigma against my mom. She was judged by the other married women, some wouldn’t even let their kids play with us because we weren’t considered wholesome. I didn’t really know any better than what I had growing up, so I never saw my single-parent as a problem. She worked, we went to school, she came home-made dinner, we came home did homework, ate, watched TV and went to bed. My sister and I were extremely responsible kids, waking up by our selves while mom hurried out the door by 7am. We walked about 2 miles to school and walked home when school let out. We occupied our time until mom got home then she would be angry that she had to cook, but she did for the sake of feeding us, though I do remember going to sleep hungry quite often. I never blamed or resented my mom for the kind of childhood I had, instead I looked up to her hard work and recognized that other families have a mom and a dad, and the reason why I don’t have a dad was beyond me at that point.
My mom didn’t have the time to take us girls in the kitchen to teach us how to cook. Instead, she filled up our schedule with tap dancing, ballet, piano, flute, and after school classes so that she would have the time to go run her errands while we were preoccupied with our activities. She never preached to me that I would have to be a good wife some day, instead she let me know that I have to always protect myself and secure my own future no matter the circumstance. She never forced me to help her in the kitchen, instead she watched me as I joyously scarfed down her delicious meals. She never told me that I had to be good at cooking or cleaning, just that I needed to take good care of myself inside and out.
Now that I’m 24 and in a pretty committed relationship, we’re starting to get down to the nitty gritty. Who’s going to cook and who’s going to clean? Personally, I’d rather not to both, but if you want to play to my strengths, then definitely let me clean. But that’s not ok with him. I have to cook. He wonders if I’ll ever acquire the skills needed to craft a delicious meal and he questions my ability to take care of anyone beyond myself.
Our new thing now is to cook dinner on Saturday nights. So far we’ve made pizza, beef stew, and jambalaya. They all came out pretty good but I don’t really consider that cooking. It was just chop chop, stir stir, simmer and bam! Dinner is served.
I honestly don’t know how some women do it. Work 10 hours, come home cook dinner, clean up and still love life. It sounds extremely unappealing to me, and it’s not that I expect my mate to assume those responsibilities… I guess it’s just a part of growing up and I have about 5 years before I really have to cave in to domestication. Until then, it’s me, myself and the only thing I do know how to cook, eggs.
